Join me on a journey to a faraway land…
Picture it: a whirlwind trip− 10 days, 10 cities, 4 countries− trapsing from city to city in search of the perfect plastic bag. You take in each country from the back of a taxi, trapped like a caged animal and the scenery, and often your life, wiz by. Every few days you are granted a reprieve from the harrowing taxis of death and are allowed massages on the company dime to ensure continued limb function.
Apprehensive at first, I got my first rubdown. I was HOOKED. Each massage was better than the last. We are talking magical rubdowns, rubdowns so good I signed up for a couples massage with a stranger! Rave reviews after each practically orgasmic session builds my boss’ intrigue. He passed in all of China, Hong Kong and Taiwan, but finally, FINALLY as our trip nears an end and he can barely stand up straight, he agrees to go in Vietnam.
Our assigned masseuses lead us back to our respective rooms and mine butts up to his. Our shared ceiling air conditioner hums along to keep the rooms a comfortable cool. I ready myself for what I hope to be another amazing massage and as I strip down I wonder why there is a bar on the ceiling.
Once settled, my masseuse enters and promptly removes my bra. A surprising experience, but giddy up, let’s get the party started. Standard massage, no toe-curling stress release, but relaxing enough until the end. As our session draws to a close I notice my masseuse’s left foot leave the floor, then the right. Suddenly they’re both on me and the previously spied ceiling bar becomes all too relevant. As I struggle to breath I eek out a meek “lighter”. After another minute or 50, I may have passed out, she finally dismounts. As I lay there mostly naked and afraid, I can now add cold to the list as the shared air conditioner goes whizzing on high.
A final touch of elegance is added to the already less than luxurious experience with some impromptu yelling between rooms. As I slowly freeze to death my masseuse finishes with a case of the giggles. Feeling compressed and frigid, I suit up and head to the lobby hoping my boss had a better encounter and find him with his head in his hands. I ask, “What the hell happened to you?”
“Well, she asked me!”
“She asked you what?”
“You know…”
“I don’t know. What did she ask you?”
“Did you feel the air conditioning go on high?”
“Yeah, it was freezing!”
“Well, she turned up the air conditioning and said ‘SHHH! That your girlfriend?’ And she points to your room. I say, no, that’s my coworker. Then she says, ‘Oh, you want me massage you?’ To which I reply, Yeah, you’re massaging me.”
“So, then what happened?”
“Then she said, ‘No, you want me massage you?’ and she grabs my dick! I yelled OH NO! and rushed to get dressed and make a mad dash for the lobby.”
As each new coworker emerges from their massage, they see his mortified face. I can’t stop laughing and for the second time I can’t breathe! Hands down the BEST. MASSAGE. EVER.
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