I started the summer full of promise and ready to be molded into a marketing guru that would surely become CMO of one of the top fortune 500 companies. I bounded through the front doors on my first day waiting to see where my road to the top would get its humble beginnings— apparently that place was at a shitty wooden desk with a broken chair and an ancient computer.
I know you’re wondering, was this desk of dreams set in a space to inspire the creative genius that would be the building blocks of my career? YES, if you count a hallway that barely left room for people to squeeze pass on their way to the copier so I got a dick bump to the back of the chair about every half hour.
Determined to not let the hallway horror seating arrangement and dick grazes deter my success, I popped into my boss’ office eager for my first assignment where I was promptly greeted with, “Oh you started today.”
It was right then and there I knew my summer would be EPIC— from completing random tasks that “kept me busy” to making photocopies, the hours just flew by at a glacial pace.
Trying to keep up moral after organizing samples for the 15th day in a row, I decided my shitty desk could use a little sprucing. Using my knowledge of the print function, I started finding pictures of tropical oases to liven up the hall. Noticing the photo collage I was accumulating, one hallway humdrum commented, “I sense a theme.”
“Yes, places I would rather be” I stated as a matter of fact. Which apparently was not the correct answer as my boss sent me to organize the samples once again.
Having learned my lesson, I continued my work as a hallway speed bump and part-time fluffer making friends left and right. In fact, one day a sales rep came and asked me to type up his notes for him— clearly that is what I was there to do in the marketing department, type up sales notes.
I asked him to show me his hands and upon inspecting them stated, “Hmm. That’s funny, your hands don’t look broken.” He went off in a huff and for some reason I wasn’t asked back for a second summer.
But, don’t cry for me internet— I am now the CMO of this blog with an 8 to 5 side hustle as a lowly member of a marketing department to fund my hobbies of paying my mortgage and eating food to live.
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